Lesbian Anime Funny Scene So Is Spagehtti
"There's only soup."
Considering how Code MENT is often considered to be one of the funniest abridged series (and just funniest web series period) in the history of ever, it's honestly hard to say where to even begin talking about hilarious moments from this show.
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Episodes 1 - 8
- Episode 1:
- Lelouch's Establishing Character Moment in its entirety. He bursts into a room where a chess game is going on between a Britannian aristocrat and older Japanese man, accompanied by triumphant music... and then suddenly stops, standing awkwardly.
Lelouch: ...Yeah, I think I broke your door. (to older Japanese man) Hey, you! Get out of my seat!
(Lelouch looks at the chess game)
Lelouche: Wait, a minute, what the—? This isn't Chinese checkers! This isn't even normal checkers! Dammit, I have an entire semester's worth of tuition riding on this!
Rivalz: (in an exaggerated Simpleton Voice) You can do it, Lelouche! I know you can!
Lelouch: Rivalz... die in a fire.
(Gilligan Cut to Lelouche walking out of the building)
Lelouch: Well, now I'm out twenty-six grand...
Rivalz: Aw, just forget about it!
Lelouch: Oh, I'll forget about it all right... when I choke you with your own trachea! - Immediately following the above, there's this:
Announcer: We interrupt this viewing of House M.D. to give you the following.
Lelouch: Man, I love House!
Clovis: Fellow citizens of Britannia! I give you, The Pussycat Dolls.
Lelouch: (as "When I Grow Up" plays) Someone needs to put that guy out of my misery. - "To the guy who just took out a parking garage: Please pull your vehicle over. We are 93% sure that that is illegal."
- Nagata trying to get the Britannians to not fire on the truck he's driving:
- "Sweet Mamma Jamma! This thing gets Tetris!"
- Lelouch being granted the power of the geass by C.C..
- Additionally, Lelouch initially thinks that C.C. somehow grabbing his hand after getting shot in the head by the Britannian squad leader means that she's a zombie.
- Lelouch convincing the squad of Britannian soldiers sent to kill him to commit suicide.
- Lelouch's Establishing Character Moment in its entirety. He bursts into a room where a chess game is going on between a Britannian aristocrat and older Japanese man, accompanied by triumphant music... and then suddenly stops, standing awkwardly.
- Episode 2:
- Lelouch bragging that him being able to use his geass to take control of somebody's Humongous Mecha is "like making babies from a candy!"
- The argument over pizza orders.
- The entire "Team Deathmatch" spiel.
- Lelouch hunting down Clovis:
Lelouch: Well, well, well. We meet again... David Spade.
Clovis: ...I'm not David Spade.
Lelouch: ...Oh my God, [Suzaku] was right. Everyone does look alike in these helmets.
- Episode 3:
- The glorious return of Rivalz:
Rivalz: Hey, what was with you ditching me yesterday?
Lelouch: Go f*ck yourself, Rivalz!! - The "horse guy".
- Lelouch's horrified reaction to "2girls1cup".
- The sheer randomness that is Jasper, Lelouch's friend and ruler of the Bee Kingdom, especially because of Kallen's "post-kill sandwich".
- "...And that's how I beat my coke addiction." (bell rings) "Alright, class. Well, if you'll excuse me, I have to go powder my nose."
- Kallen interrogating Lelouch over whether or not it was him on the radio yesterday.
- The pizza delivery store.
Britannian Soldier #1: (as he and another soldier hold the pizza delivery employees up at gunpoint) I just had to walk a mile to get here! If I don't see a pizza within the next five seconds...
Britannian Soldier #2: C'mon, man, don't do this.
Britannian Soldier #1: People, I have killed before, and I will kill again!!
Pizza Delivery Employee: (to Kallen on the phone) Please send help...
Kallen: (to Lelouch) Okay, you can go.
- The glorious return of Rivalz:
- Episode 4: Suzaku's human vuvuzela, and pretty much the whole interrogation scene.
Bite me banana man!
- Also, pretty much everything on the train, especially the phone conversation:
Lelouch: Look out the window and tell me what you see.
Kallen: Uh, a bunch of buildings.
Lelouch: Wait, what? A bunch of buildings? Are you sure it's not a tunnel?
Kallen: Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
Lelouch: Ah, dammit I'm on the wrong train.
- "Glad you all could make it. Please, have a seat. But don't sit down!"
- The opening to Episode 5 in its entirety. Can one say "pure crack"?
Narator: Last time!
One: And now evildoers, thou shall be smited by my fists of JUSTICE!
Jeremiah: Not this time, Anime Batman! This time, I will destroy you!
One: Eat this! *Cue live-action explosion*
Kallen: *Singing* I want, you so much, that I, just, can't resist you!
One: Shut up down there! I'm trying to be epic!
Jeremiah: Hah, you fool. I'm still here!
One: Damn! Nothing can defeat him!
Guard 1: Dude, what the hell is going on?
Guard 2: Dude, I never know what's going on.
Kewell: Lord Jeremiah, we have to eliminate him.
Jeremiah: I'm sorry, Lord Kewell, we can't! Because you see... I'm tripping balls right now!
Viletta: It would seem that I'm tripping too!
Kallen: Oh god, I'm tripping balls!
Ohgi: I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing.
One: Oh no. Now I'm tripping balls!
Guard 1: Dude I'm tripping balls.
Gaurd 2: Dude I'm tripping balls.
Suzaku: I'm tripping balls!
Ohgi: Well I feel fine-oh, there it goes.
One: Now I must use my ultimate attack!
Suzaku: Oh no, the ultimate technique!
Jeremiah: Aaaaaaaaaaagh—!
Kallen: Aaaaaaaaaagh—!
Suzaku: *Being electrified* —AAAAAAAAAAGH—!
[Title Cut]
- Lelouch discovering that Suzaku has his own Wikipedia page.
- After Suzaku had come over to Lelouch's house for dinner which happened mostly off-screen in episode six:
Lelouch: That was not eating. I've seen eating; what you did in there was pure chaos!
- Episode 7
- This conversation between Cornelia and Lloyd
- Episode 8 (better view the video since spoiler can ruin the punchline) but the scene where Lelouch shoots the japanese commander for a full 15 seconds.
- The pre-credits scene is hilarious as well:
Lelouch: Wait, so me, Kallen, Suzaku, and Rivalz are in charge?
*Smash Cut to the school exploding, repeatedly*
Lelouch: Rivalz, this is all your fault!
Rivalz: But you told me to do it.
Lelouch: LIAR!
- The part about the Hot Pockets is hilarious, especially when it comes to food:
Correspondent: The rogue faction of the Japan Liberation Front demands a year's supply worth of Hot Pockets and a microwave, in which to heat said hot pockets.
Todoh: SHIT!!! We shoulda thoughta that!!!
Correspondent: If only there was some way to stall for time. If only somebody who'd obtained the recent attention of all rebel forces, somebody who'd freed a political prisoner from an armed escort, someone who'd escaped a FULL MILITARY MANHUNT, would help us, in this time of need. Someone...who likes white neckerchiefs.
- Cut to Kallen and One.
Kallen: So, what's our next move?
One: I'm thinkin' Disney World...
Ohgi: Yo, shotgun on the room with the hottub!
- And the following Skype call (really just footage cut from a Sherlock Holmes interview):
One: Well that's a given.
One: Oh, no. You're Iron Man!
Downey, Jr.: —you gotta have a little fight in you.
One: I'll fuck anyone up, I don't give a fuck! I'll kick Jude Law's ass! [Jude Law looks down] Yeah, yeah, keep your head down!
Law: [stutters]
One: Shut your damn mouth, I'm trying to talk to IRON MAN!!! [Jude Law drinks some coffee]. Where'd you get that?! [Jude Law drinks more coffee]. I DEMAND YOU SHARE!!!
Law: —no—
One: Well, you can go to hell.
Law: —are those my shoes?
One: I'm not wearing shoes.
- Camera 3, full stop.
"Hey where the hell is camera 3?" "He said he was gonna go get some action shots." "THIS-IS-GONNA-BE-THE-BEST-SHOT-EVER!!" *plummeting out of building.*
- Also, the reveal of One's group to the world:
One: We are the Dark Knights for justice... because, as children, we were nursed on the milk of justice, and, as we grew up, we acquired a taste for justice. Now, as we get older, we once again desire the taste of justice... but we cannot find the milk, so we go to Starbucks, and we get a coffee, but it's not the same thing! IT SUCKS! WHY DID I ORDER THIS?! IT'S TERRIBLE! And, now, you all understand what our mission is. And! What! We! Must! Do!
- The Stinger: Suzaku vs Hotel, round two.
Suzaku: Well, well, well. Hotel! We meet again!
*the hotel fires a laser at Suzaku* note It's the exact same clip of Suzaku shooting at the hotel that appears earlier in the episode, just played in reverse.
Suzaku: Oh shit no! *explodes*
- The pre-credits scene is hilarious as well:
Episodes 9 - 16
- The beginning of episode 9:
C.C.: I still don't follow any of this.
Lelouch: Look, it's really simple. I'm the son of the King of Britannia.
C.C.: Then why are you in Japan?
Lelouch: Let me break it down for ya. Every nation belongs to one of three major empires note Except Australia. Britannia, The Chinese Federation, Britannia, San Marino, Kazakhstan note President: Nursultan Nazarbayev... Learning You Some Knowledge, Britannia, Alderaan note File Not Found, Britannia, Corneria and Britannia.
C.C.: I don't even know why I bothered to ask.
Lelouch: My dad is the current King of Britannia.
(cut)
Charles: This job is bitching good!
(cut back)
Lelouch: With dad being the king and all, one wife wasn't his thing. Unfortunately, it was only too late he discovered the downside of having too many wives.
(cut)
Charles: If I've got to watch one more episode of Bridezillas, I'm going to saw my own arm off.
(cut back)
Lelouch: See, me and Nunnally have the same mother—
(cut)
Lelouch: Nunnally! WE HAVE TO KILL THE TOOTH FAIRY!
Nunnally: Every day I pray I was adopted.
(cut back)
Lelouch: We had a fuck-ton of half brothers and sisters, who all lived with us at dad's place. And my God we were motherlicking adorable. For the most part we tolerated each other. However, we sometimes got on each other's nerves.[Image of young Lelouch and young Nunnally fighting over plate] In my defence, she would not let go of that plate. Of course there was that one half brother...Dah, never mind. Anyway, one day I went along with dad on a diplomatic trip to Japan. You see, Japan used to be great independent nation, led by a great man. (image of Abraham Lincoln with a gatling gun arm) There was only one flaw. His son.
(cut)
Suzaku: I can live entirely on a diet of crayons and lighter fluid!
(cut back)
Lelouch: After one tragic Slip'n'Slide incident, I decided we should return home—[image of young Lelouch with Hair on fire]—only to find that my mom had gone and gotten herself shot.
(cut)
Marianne: [through hail of bullets] That smarts!
(cut back)
Lelouch: From there I was sent back to Japan, where I thought my father would miss me.
Charles: [Thinking]What was I thinking about just now? Something about Japan.[Out loud] We're taking over Japan. [thinking] Booya!
Lelouch: Meanwhile, Suzaku was determined when he grew up to win the war between Japan and Britannia. Unfortunately, he signed up for the wrong side.
C.C.: Not surprised.
Lelouch: Yes, but what is surprising is that even with Suzaku on their team, the Britannians somehow won, which brings me to today. Long story short, there's some remnants of the underground Japanese army.
(cut)
Toudoh: If anyone wants a pizza bagel, e-mail me and I'll give you some.
(Cut back)
Lelouch: There's still some Britannian soldiers occupying the country.
Guy 1: Dude, you know what I'm thinking?
Both Guys: PIZZA BAGELS!
(cut back)
Lelouch: And finally there's some rebel forces which look up to me after Clovis went and killed himself.
C.C.: I thought you killed him.
Lelouch: Eh, details.
C.C.: Well, I guess that covers about everything.
Lelouch: Yup, no gaping plot holes at all.
C.C.: But...
Lelouch: At ALL!
[Beat]
C.C.: But what about your friends? What about Milly, what about Kallen—
Lelouch: NO ONE CARES ABOUT KALLEN!
- After Kallen arrives at Ashford Academy that morning:
Kallen: F**k learning!
Opens the door to the Student Council Room, while Lelouch rants angrily.
Lelouch: I'LL F**KING KILL YOU F**KS! I'LL F**K YOU IN THE ***!
Door opens to reveal Milly, Rival, Shirley, and Suzaku dressed like cats, holding Lelouch down so they can dress him up too.
Kallen: What's going on?
Shirley: We're dressing up like cats.
Kallen: Aaaaannnd?
Lelouch: There is no f**king point. There's never any f**king point!
Rivalz: I'm a tiger!
Lelouch: The day I snap, you're the first to go.
- Also from episode 9, Jeremiah on drugs:
Viletta: Oh, Jeremiah, thank you for taking me out.
Jeremiah: Woman, I'm hopped up on drugs! I have no idea where I took you!
Viletta: Oh no, you haven't been taking that Refrain again, have you? It's rumored that that's how the Dark Knights are getting their funding.
Jeremiah: Hell no, I'm a real man! PCP all the way!
Viletta: Oh dear....
- The Black Knights score some drugs:
- The heist goes awry.
One: Jesus H. CHRIST-MAS, KALLEN! WE JUST WANTED TO SCORE SOME DRUGS, NOT KILL THE FEDS!
- Kallen's mothers:
Kallen: Mommy!
Mom #1: That stepladder attacked me, but I ***ed it up good!
Kallen: Are you okay?
Mom #1: Bitch, get back in your room. Mommy's about to teach this stepladder a violent lesson in pain.
- When Milly shows up at her house.
Mom #1: Kallen! This whorebasket just showed up for you.
Mom #1: (vase breaks) It attacked me!
- When the Black Knights find a room full of meth addicts.
Kallen: Who are all these people?
Lelouch/One: The users and abusers: people who want to escape their lives because their loved ones are huge let-downs.
Kallen: Mommy! How could I have not seen this?
- The Stinger for Episode 9:
Britannian Guard 1: Whoa; whoa, buddy! We can't let anyone through here; we've got reports of drug smugglers in these parts.
Lelouch/One: Aw, come on; please?
Britannian Guard 2: Dude: he said please.
Britannian Guard 1: Aw; he did say please. *to Lelouch* Ah; what the hell. You look like a pretty trustworthy guy. Go on ahead.
Lelouch/One: Well, thank you kindly. *passes*
Britannian Guard 2: ...dude!
Britannian Guard 1: *looks at Britannian Guard 2*
Britannian Guard 2: ...WHERE THE FUCK ARE OUR PIZZA BAGELS?!
- Episode 10: Lelouch's conversation with his cousin.
C.C.: Your cousin...is Death the Kid? Death, the guy that reaps souls, who somehow inexplicably had a kid, is your uncle?
Lelouch: On my old man's side.
C.C.: The King of Britannia is brothers with Death?
Lelouch: Yep.
C.C.: It's official: this shit makes no sense at all.
Lelouch: That's nothing. You should've seen my mom's brother.
(cuts to Alucard shooting someone)
Alucard: Don't worry, my bullets will heal you for negative damage.
Alexander Anderson: Hello my good sir, are you satisfied with your current car insurance payments?
(Alucard shoots Anderson, 1-up music plays, Anderson is healed -1 damage, cut back to Lelouch and Death the Kid)
Kid: Our fucked up family tree aside, I need to ask you a huge favor.
Lelouch: Nope. (Beat) Fine.
Kid: It's not a big favor, really. I was just wondering if you could stop killing people!
Kid: Oh, don't you start that shit again!
Lelouch: Ying.
Kid: Stop.
Lelouch: Yiiing!
Kid: Listen.
Lelouch: Ying...
Kid: I'm not going to play this game with you.
Lelouch: Oh my god!
Kid: What is it?
Lelouch: You're in my computer right now!
Kid: What?
Lelouch: Don't go messing up my very secure and personal operating system.
Kid: Oh, for the love of god: YOU OWN A LINUX!
Lelouch: Ying!
Kid: Lelouch, listen to me. You've got to stop killing people!
Lelouch: What? Why?
Kid: Because Dad is tired of reaping all the souls you've killed. You've made everyone work overtime just to keep up with you. You're killing them faster than we can put them away. I think we may have lost a few.
Ghost Nappa: I'm in your show, fucking it up.
Kid: No one ever knows what you're talking about.
Lelouch: Ying!
Kid: Seriously, you're killing all the wrong people!
Lelouch: Sooooo...
Kid: Yeeees...
Lelouch: What you're sayin' iiiiis...
Kid: Yeeees...
Lelouch: That IIIIIII...
Kid: Yeeees...
Lelouch: Should blow shit up! / kill all the right people! note From the first and alternate versions, respectively.
Kid: Yes! Wait, no!
C.C.: No!
Alucard: Do it!
Lelouch: Doin' it!
Alternate version only Kid (thinking): I really hate my life.
Lelouch: It's time to take this fight to the Britannians! Pack your bags woman, we're going for a walk.
(Title Cut)
- Lelouch shooting himself.
"That smarts!"
- Episode 11:
C.C. (with a gaping splinter wound in her chest): Please god, let that have just been a terrible nightmare.
Lelouch (Cheery Voice): I made you naked!
C.C.: Damn it.
- Followed by:
C.C.: Did that bitch just hiss at me?!
Kallen: WHATCHU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?
Lelouch: Kallen, KALLEN; let's get one thing straight: ...I WAS GIVIN' HER THE SEX!
- Episode 12 CLASSY:
- The set up for Shirley trying to get Lelouch to go on a date with her:
Shirley: Two-thousand dollar tickets to the opera house, again?! I'm so done with musicals! Thanks for nothing, Dad!
Nina (thinking): F**king white people!
Shirley: I know! I'll ask Lelouch to go with me!
Lelouch (who just walked in): GOD NO!
Millie: There you are! I haven't seen you in ages.
Lelouch (walking past her): Shut up, Millie. No one cares.
Millie: Betcha can't wait to do all that homework you missed. (laughs)
Lelouch (leaving again): Choke on it, Millie!
- And the aftermath of Shirley successfully blackmailing Lelouch into going with her, leading to a very... Squicky expression of joy on her part. We see Shirley leaning against a wall congratulating herself and stating she feels relieved. And then she proceeds to urinate for at least twenty seconds (even she seems surprised at how long it goes), creating a tidal wave of urine.
Lelouch: No.
- That does not go unnoticed by the Dark Knights later on.
Ohgi: Oh my god, what is that smell?!
Lelouch/One: My credit card got turned down at the laundry-mat today, and yet I'm still positive that this outfit is sterile.
Ohgi: Uh, I don't follow-
Ohgi: Your own urine?
Lelouch:...Yes. note It's actually Shirley's.
- Following the "Classy" moment in the opening, and the later follow-up (punctuated by "A Whole New World") which Nunnally accidentally stumbled upon, we get this exchange when Lelouch comes in to tuck her into bed that night:
Nunnally: Lelouch, there you are. I think Nina's really sick. I walked in on her in the student faculty room and she sounded like a dying coyote.
Lelouch laughs his head off for about 10 seconds.
Lelouch (breathing hard from laughing): Yeah, heh, yeah. (Calmer now) Nunnally, Nunnally, Nunnally. When a woman and a table love each other very much...
Cut to next day as Lelouch walks to class.
Lelouch: It's gonna be a miracle if that girl doesn't grow up to be a psychopath.
- The clean up of the Shatter Mountain incident:
Soldier 1: Yo, dude, this one's still moving.
Gunshot.
Viletta (thinking): I hate this goddamn job.
- Episode 13: then as always deadpan reactions to death.
Soldier 1: Dude?
Soldier 2: Yeah buddy?
Soldier 1: (As a submarine flies towards them) Is that a sub?
Soldier 2: ...yeah, that's a sub. *hit by submarine*
- Or, when they are subverted as in XIII-2:
Soldier 1: Dude?
Soldier 2: Yeah buddy?
Soldier 1: (As a submarine flies towards them) Is that a sub?
Soldier 2: No, didn't you read the caption earlier? It's a UVARD note Underwater Vehicle and Robot Dispenser.
Cornelia: Oh shit they threw a UVARD at those guys!
Guilford: *runs onscreen* What the fuck is a UVARD?!
- Lelouch stating that he doesn't believe British people exist because he's never seen any and all of the words in the English Dictionary are American. Remember: Lelouch is British in the original series (sort of).
- Possible Fridge Brilliance in that during an earlier episode, Lelouch and Kallen call them 'Brittanian' rather than 'British', though they have trouble figuring out the pronunciation.
- Lelouch defeating Cornelia:
Lelouch: You may want to buy a blender.
Cornelia: What?
Lelouch: So you can drink it all in.
- Lelouch's recruitment of Diethard in the recut of episode 13:
One (to the Black Knights): You all suck and you're useless. Therefore I'm outsourcing some of your jobs to the Britannians. Everyone meet Diethard.
Diethard: I have no idea how I got roped into this. But I FUCKING love it!
One: Don't worry Diethard. You're a journalist. I'll give you plenty to write about.
Diethard: Man, don't worry about it, I can't write.
One: How can you not love this guy, huh?
Kallen: Well, he's a Britannian for one.
One: Shut up, I make good decisions.
- Lelouch's plan for deciding who brings lunch;
One: Now I don't know who's bringing lunch tomorrow, so everyone cover yourself in oil, I'm gonna light this match, and whoever's the last person to burn wins.
Kallen: Wins what?
One: Being good at burning.
- The opening of episode 14:
Shirley: [Distressed Babbling]
Villetta: (walking up to her) There you are. You are not allowed to run around here! What the hell is this? (sees One's face) Holy sh**! It's One! We've done it! We're going to be national heroes! It's over! It's finally over! [Loud Laughter]
Shirley points her gun at Villetta
Shirley: [Affirmative Babbling]
Gun: BANG
Beat
- Lelouch's rant on the train:
Lelouch: I'm not upset! I'm not! This country is upset! With absurd prices! 5 dollars for a meal at McDonald's?! I need more meat in my diet! I look around and I see just stupid. Quit complaining about religion, NO ONE CARES! Oompa Loompas are murdering themselves! *Oompa Loompa head smashes into train window* Oh boo hoo, you're gay, you're lesbian, you're straight, MY PENIS DOESN'T WORK!!
- When Lelouch and C.C. are looking through Shirley's room for some clue as to her location:
C.C. rifles through Shirley's panty drawer.
C.C.: You think these would fit me?
Lelouch: Suck my ass woman! (Alt. Text: Or in Romanian "Inhale my goat") We've got some clues to find!
C.C.: Well you can suck my ass.
Lelouch: HEY!
C.C.: Because I found her diary.
Lelouch: Oh yeah? Well look what I fou- NO!
Picks up a lavender-colored box that immediately starts buzzing loudly. Alt. Text: It's a dildo
The box continues to buzz even louder than before.
- Later, when Lelouch is looking for Shirley:
Mao: What do you mean you pooped yourself to death?! *Throw Tamagotchi toy to ground* FUCKING TAMAGOTCHI!
Lelouch: You think that's bad? Mine died by eating its own babies. That's not FOOD, Tamagotchi! That's just not FOOD!
- Lelouch lampshading just how ridiculous C.C.'s outfit is.
C.C.: Are you mad?
- And also:
Mao: Have you seen a girl with green hair and white clothes?
Lelouch: Eh, she stopped with the whole white clothes thing. Now she looks like a cross between a French Maid and a Vietnamese hooker.
- This is followed by a humorous cut (apparently, C.C. makes the same comparison to her outfit)
C.C.: If you give me a ride, then I'll either clean your whole house or have sex with you
Random Guy(in a humorous squeaky voice) : Ha! Sucks for you bitch, my house is really dirty... and I have gonorrhea!
- C.C. and Lelouch's conversation after he recovers from his comatose state.
Lelouch: Rauhhhahhhh!
C.C.: Is that really your response to me saving your life?
Lelouch: How long have you been there?
C.C.: About two days now.
Lelouch: Deny!
C.C.: Really, are you okay?
Lelouch: ...A gunshot! Sadly, there is no hope of us finding the victim!
(Camera pans downwards to reveal the words "Viletta was here" written in blood.)
C.C.: You do realize that Shirley has just become your greatest threat by unmasking you? First, we need to get you to safety. Ohgi has the mobile command base nearby. I think we should get you there, and you should strategise with your officers.
- This brief bit of insanity:
Diethard: Has anyone seen One?
Tamaki: [laughing as he watches an Oompa Loompa dance]
Diethard: So it begins.
- Episode 14.5, the crossover with None Piece, is a gold mine of hilarity.
- Lelouch's videophone call with Death the Kid:
Lelouch: *holding a brick of C4 with a digital timer* Sending some assholes your way: to the death dimension!
Kid: Lelouch, I WILL END YOU!!!
Lelouch: Go ahead, try and stop me! I'm CRAZY!
Kid: Lelouch!
Lelouch: Transmission over! AAAHH-! *headbutts the screen, breaking it*
- Lelouch and Luffy in a helicopter:
Luffy: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO FLY THIS THING!?
Lelouch: I mean I don't really know how to fly this thing. I can't make it any simpler!
Luffy: THEN HOW DID WE GET UP HERE!?
*an alarm starts blaring and a red light flashes*
Luffy: WHAT DID YOU DO!?
Lelouch: Relax, I've got this under control!
*the helicopter immediately crashes into the house and explodes*
- Afterwards:
Usopp: I just don't think she sees the real me!
Lelouch: Yeah, no, that's... whatever. Hey, you didn't happen to see Luffy or the charred remains of a helicopter did 'ja? Because at this point, either would be fine.
- And later:
Django: -holding Kaya against a tree- Say goodnight, little lambchop!
Usopp: Zoro, get down, I've got this one!
Kid: HEY! -Beat- Quit f*cking around! -Beat- You! Get the hell out of here!
Django: Your passion... it moves me so... therefore... I shall concede to this day... and make... my leave—
Kid: GET BENT, ASSCLOWN!
- Lelouch's videophone call with Death the Kid:
- In Episode 15, 2 words: rainbow queef
.AAAAAAGGGHHH!
- Lelouch wondering what is it with the fucking tiny hats.
- The bizarre airline food conversation.
- The Sloth picture from the flashback montage that's supposed to be C.C.'s portrait as drawn by child!Mao.
- Lelouch on the phone with tech-support:
Lelouch: Yeah, hi. Uh, I'm having trouble accessing a copy of something I made. It's not downloading from the disk.
Tech-Lady: Do you remember what was on the disk?
Lelouch: Uhhhhhh-
Flashback to Lelouch handing the disk to a random mecha-pilot as a distraction.
Lelouch: This CD contains twelve terabytes of pornography!
Flashback ends
Computer: Download complete.
Lelouch: I'm gonna have to call you back. ACTUALLY WAIT! ... What're you wearin' right now?
Tech-Lady: Uhhh, a cardigan.
Tech-Lady: Hello?
Lelouch: Get off my phone.
- Which, in turn, leads to this conversation will Milly:
Milly: So, I, uh, heard you've got twelve terabytes of pornography.
Lelouch: Yeah, but it's mostly Todd Phelps and Michael Bay tryin'a run train on Megan Fox.
Milly: Eeewwwww...
Lelouch: Yeah, I tried scheduling some electro-convulsive therapy, but apparently trying to inadvertently wipe your memory to forget the Hangover 3 IS FROWNED UPON! Thanks ECT, you've failed me yet again.
- In a scene where Mao goes to purchase a weapon to kill Lelouch and CC:
Gun store owner: Maybe they should outlaw chicken penises.
- The rest of the scene is hilarious as well:
Mao: My target's an immortal witch.
Gun store owner: Ah, yes. I remember my ex-wife. I've got a chainsaw in the back.
Mao: Hoho! WHOA! Buddy, buddy! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!... YES!
- The voice of the guy who the gun store owner shoots is Luffy, who can also be seen in the corner when Shirley shouts about salad forks.
Luffy: AGH! WHY IS THE FLOOR SHOOTING ME?!
- And this:
C.C: Because you are childish and impulsive.
Mao: (childishly) No!
*gunshot*
Mao: Oh I'm sorry, I was just trying to shoot the floor next to your feet- Wait, are you being sarcastic?
C.C: If they handed out medals on planet stupid, you could be an olympian!
-MASS GUNSHOTS-
C.C: You done?
C.C: You'll never get away with this, Mao. I'm friends with Lelouch too, you know. He's probably mounting a rescue as we speak.
Lelouch (still working on the TV): I FRIGGIN PLUGGED IT INTO HDMI!
*cut back*
C.C: Oh god, I'm gonna die.
- LOOK OUT, HE'S GOT A CHAINSAW!
- Ohgi and Viletta:
Lelouch (on the phone): Hey, Ohgi, it's One. How's it goin? Listen is it true dogs have retractable claws, or is that just cats?
Ohgi: Uh, sorry, I can't talk.
Lelouch: I'm your leader, dammit! What's so important you can't talk to me for!?
Ohgi: Uhhh... I found a naked chick in a dumpster!
Viletta (naked): I don't remember being naked!
Ohgi: Her memory's really fuzzy.
Lelouch: Uh, okay. I, uh, I don't know what to say about that.
Viletta: Oh my god it's so cold in here my nipples could cut through diamonds!
Ohgi: I GOTTA GO! *hangs up*
- Episode 16: Somehow, Suzaku being smarter than Lelouch.
- ALL of Lelouch and Suzaku's conversations are hilarious in this episode. (The Soup Skit has its own folder]]
Suzaku: (running across the Ashford Academy courtyard) HEY! HEY, LELOUCH! WAIT UP! Whattup, buddy?! How was your weekend?!
Lelouch: It was a constant reminder of my failure and shame-
Suzaku: Mine was good, too. I googled the term "snuff film" in the school's computer lab.
- Lelouch and C.C.'s conversation at the airport:
Lelouch: (to Diethard) Don't worry, that bitch tornado is headed your way.
C.C.: (walking by) What did you just say?
Lelouch: Gotta go! (hangs up) I don't know what you're talking about, I didn't say anything.
C.C.: Well, it sounds like you said something.
Lelouch: Nnnope! ...You bitch tornado.
C.C.: Try not to asphyxiate yourself in a closet this weekend.
Lelouch: God I love you.
- Rivalz discovers internet porn:
Rivalz: Tell me you guys saw it!
Lelouch: Saw what?
Rivalz: There was a naked lady on the internet!
Lelouch: You are so goddamn stupid.
Rivalz: NO, this one was famous!
Suzaku: For what?
Rivalz: For being naked!
Lelouch: ...So goddamn stupid.
Suzaku: Uh, that's called porn, buddy. It's been there since... forever.
Lelouch: Don't try and reason with him, Suzaku. Just ignore him, maybe he'll go away.
Rivalz: Listen to me, she was naked! That's what happened! ... Naked! Fame!
*beat*
Suzaku: He's still here!
Lelouch: I can see that, Suzaku! ...k, bye. *runs off*
Suzaku: No—dick!
Rivalz: Wanna try my motorcycle?
Suzaku: KILL YOURSELF!
- Poor Nunnally.
Nunnally: You better be careful, Mao. My brother's coming for me.
Lelouch: (running down a hallway) I HAVE TO FIND NUNNALLY.
Nunnally: And when he wants something, he doesn't stop until he gets it.
Lelouch: (in bathroom) Nunnally! Are you in here?!
Girl in Stall: OH MY GAWD, GO AWAY.
Lelouch: (stomps childishly) NO-
Mao: Oh, don't worry. All I want to do is play a little game, Nunnally.
Nunnally: Well, then prepare to lose, Mao. My brother may be an idiot, but when he puts his mind to it, he can be super-focused and deadly-dedicated.
Lelouch: (proceeds to turn on six computers to play different videos all at once, ranging from porn to None Piece to the Exorcist to twerking. It is beyond description.)
Nunnally: -beat- I am so fucked, aren't I?
Mao: (cheerfully) Yup!
- Hilarious if you recall Nunnally's blindness (like when Lelouch feigned surprise at her blindness in Episode 6):
Lelouch: Nunnally, Nunnally! Watch me do a somersault! (sees Mao's picture of her tied up with her mouth covered in duct tape on the desk) Grr!
- The explanation for why there's a motion activated machine gun in the sewers: Apparently the school sends a janitor down there every month before payday. They never realized that firing it costs just as much as actually paying their janitors.
- "Alright, I was cool with the Immortal Witch premise, I was cool with the magic, glowy-eye powers, I was cool with Nina humpin' the table, but that? That was fuckin' stupid."
- That is Suzaku running down a hallway dodging dozens of bullets to kick a machine-gun turret.
- Preceding this very moment: Lelouch's lack of a plan to deal with said turret.
Suzaku: I'm gonna kick it.
Lelouch: That is a terrible idea.
Suzaku: Too bad, 'cause I'm doin' it! [runs out into the hallway and towards the turret] YAAAAAAAAAARGH!
- Lelouch and Suzaku's entire conversation about the "Damsel in Distress" trope, the sexism and clichéd-ness of which is the reason Suzaku refuses to help save Nunnally. The best part being:
Suzaku: No; it'd be against my moral compass.
Lelouch: Your fucking moral compass is a roulette wheel!
- The absolutely genius exchange between Mao and Lelouch.
Mao: Whoa, what happened to you?
Lelouch: (who now has a black face) I was tryin' to save Nunnally from a bomb!
Mao: ...Why was Nunnally near a bomb?
Lelouch: Somebody took her and put her in the sewers! And then Suzaku wouldn't kick the bomb, so I just started cutting wires! Then one of the circuit breakers tripped and blew up in my face! I'm not even sure if the pendulum bomb is still activated!
Mao: Aight, first of all, only I'm allowed to say that! And second of all, I set up this whole day so I could teach you a lesson about keeping your loved ones close, and enjoying yourself. Instead, you almost un-ironically put your sister in more danger than I did!
Lelouch: Two things right back 'at cha! One, you're not allowed to say that, you're so Caucasian your hair is white! And TWO, if you're so innocent then why the hell didja tie her up down there?!
Mao: A.) Yes I can say that, I'm a black albino! And, B.) I didn't want her to fall out of her chair!
Lelouch: YOU'RE A BLACK ALBINO?!
Suzaku: BANZAI! (crashes through the window for no reason)
The Soup Skit
One of the most iconic scenes in all of abridging, if not the Internet itself. Can be found in Episode 16, but deserves its own folder just to have the whole conversation recorded below.
-
Lelouch: (on the phone to Suzaku) Hello?
Suzaku: Hey, what's up?
Lelouch: I need your help. Can you come here?
Suzaku: I can't. I'm buying clothes.
Lelouch: Alright, well hurry up and come over here.
Suzaku: I can't find them.
Lelouch: ...What do you mean you can't find them?
Suzaku: I can't find them. There's only soup.
Lelouch: What do you mean "there's only soup"?
Suzaku: It means there's only soup.
Suzaku: Alright, you don't have to shout at me!
(Suzaku moves to the next aisle)
Suzaku: There's more soup!
Lelouch: What do you mean "there's more soup"?!
Suzaku: There's just more soup!
Lelouch: Go into the next aisle!
Suzaku: (moves to the next aisle) There's still soup!
Lelouch: Where are you right now?!
Suzaku: I'm at soup!
Lelouch: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE "AT SOUP"?!
Suzaku: I MEAN I'M AT SOUP!
Lelouch: WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN?!
Lelouch: WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE?!
Suzaku: FUCK YOU!!
Misc.
- Any time the guy with the chipmunk voice calls Lelouch.
- The bonus videos are also loaded with moments of hilarity. HD Origins has Suzaku talk about the history of televisions. Hilarity Ensues.
Suzaku: See, Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream. He believed that everyone's televisions should compete for the best picture quality.
Lelouch: (to Jeremiah) You believe this?
Jeremiah: I stopped listening months ago.
Lelouch: We've only been out here for like two minutes.
Jeremiah: Yeah, where is 'here' exactly?
Lelouch:...I don't know!
- There's also the video about the trio getting a bunch of fake 'TAC' awards.
Suzaku and Lelouch: HOORAY!
Jeremiah: Okay, that award shouldn't have warranted that particular reaction from you two.
Lelouch: Hey, I'll take them where I can get them.
Jeremiah: Moving on. The 'Burns My Eyeballs Just Watching It' award.
Suzaku and Lelouch: YAAAAY!
Jeremiah: (as the other two continue to cheer in the background) Well, let it never be said that you two can't be optimistic.
- Anything Guilford says. It's a mixture of his voice and his determination to kill anybody. He basically sounds like Tyson before a fight.
"Let me at 'em; I'll f*ck 'em up!"
- This:
Nina: "Man I'm hungry. Hey you! Make me a sandwich.
Soldier: "You know back in Mother Russia, one sandwich feeds an entire village for 30 days!"
Nina: "I'll feed my foot up your ass for 30 days if you don't feed me!"
- Lelouch's insistence that British people aren't real. note The weirdest part is that thanks to the Alternate History, he's right.
Lelouch: Have you ever seen a British person? I haven't, so therefore, they don't exist.
C.C.: Just because you haven't met one doesn't mean they don't exist.
Lelouch: (mockingly) Oh my god you guys, British people are real, they're walking around everywhere! (normal voice) They're like the Wolfman! They're not real!
C.C.: You've gotta be kidding me.
C.C.: You're insane!
Lelouch: (knocks her over and straddles her) I LOVE YOU!
- Speaking of nationalities:
One: We're just gonna have to get money the old fashioned American way!
Kallen: We're not in America.
One: By stealing it from old people!
Kallen: We're in Japan.
One: TO THE INTERNET!
- The maddeningly deranged Pursuit of Happiness is nothing but this. It's a crossover between Nullmetal Alchemist, Code MENT, Danganronpa Abridged Thing, None Piece, and Soul Whatever, which creates just as much stupidity as you might think. Seriously, it makes the previous crossover sound perfectly sane.
Lelouch: Oh no! We're entering plot territory! Everyone brace yourselves!
Al: So you mean things might start making sense?
C.C.: (Suddenly appears in a puff of smoke) I wouldn't count on that.
Suzaku: Hey, I dressed myself today! What's up?
- Lelouch's attempt to use his Geass:
Edward: So, Lelouch...
Lelouch: Edward!
Edward: What brings you to our neck of the woods, mate?
Lelouch: I'm here researching Geass.
Edward: Oh, yeah? So what did you learn?
Lelouch: That I am amazingly bad at researching Geass. Somehow I've managed to find out ''less'' about my powers. Seriously, watch this! *his Geass eye charges up and fires a purple bolt. It ricochets off Al and hits him in the head* Oh, shit! *collapses*
- Early on, Death the Kid appears out of thin air through sheer hate and rage directed at everyone else.
Kid: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
- Death the Kid's motivation:
Monokuma: I really can't be having my students coming back to life. They need to learn!
Kid: LEARN WHAT?! Your whole goddamn school just kills people! Between you and team dumbmatch over there you've collectively killed my entire social life!
Luffy: Wait, what?
Kid: Oh, yeah, every time someone dies, I have to do the paperwork. It's kind of like working at the DMV, only slightly less horrifying.
Ishimaru: YOUR SOCIAL LIFE IS NOT WELCOME IN THIS MOON ENVIRONMENT!
Zoro: I'M YELLING ALSO!
- The various random times PurpleEyes himself shows up to scream for no apparent reason.
Source: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/CodeMENT
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